Monday, January 18, 2010

Ladies...Really?

DISCLAIMER: I say what i'm about to say, wit respect, love and a overwhelming sense of protecting you ladies. From others, but most of all, yourself.

Ladies, does'nt matter what color, size, Sexual orientation or mental illness, this is for you.

Maybe it's a slow news day at some publications, TV networks or Black radio , but tha subject i've been runnin' into is, Why can't women find any good men?

Now, most media have focused on tha "Why can't BLACK women, find any good BLACK men" angle. (Thumbtack that. We'll come back to that.) But as it turns out, Women of every race, creed and color are havin' tha same problem.

Which brings me to my opinions and subsequently my sex life, comin' to a damn abrupt ending. *Checks for Jergens lotion, and old sock* herrre, we go.

Ladies, I understand you want someone who, by your description, who's (In no particular order.) intelligent, witty, handsome, financially stable, a listener, no kids, little emotional baggage, cook, knows his way around tha bed, A fixer around tha house, marriage material and some other sh!t that only Phuckas in vampire movies can do.

Ladies, look at that damn list. You find me ONE true contender for ALL tha elements of that list, and i'll show you tha woman that masturbates thinkin' bout' Flavor Flav. Simply put.... a man like that DOES NOT EXIST.


It's understood ladies, that with all that you've individually been through, you will not settle for less. But look, where it's gotten you. Instead of bein' tha independent beings I know, you're startin' to become...us, wit better hair.

Women have always been tha more mature, intelligent, and more rational of tha sexes. Yeah sure, you have your moments, but through tha many and various things thrusted upon you, you still have time to carve out a living for yourself, re-populate tha planet, be mothers to children, maintain that radiant, stunning, addictive, ravishing yet puzzling mystery of a body. And you still keep your wits about your surroundings.

For all that I mentioned, I sincerely applaud you. You are so appreciated.

Now, let me tell you why you may have inadvertently did rock cocaine during one of your "just us girls" moments while watchin' Lifetime.

Ladies, wit all that we as men have shown you about us, (Trust me, we're not that hard to figure out. ) We've shown you that, we don't always see, what's riiight in front of us. We've shown you that, our attention spans are tha equivalent of a fifth grade class on a sugar rush. We as men can start wars, bully countries, gather and take resources to harvest for power. But we can't remember your birthday, call to tell you we're gonna be late, or just plainly put...communicate wit you.

You've witnessed all of these traits first hand ladies, wit very few men gettin' better in tha communication aspect of it. Not to mention, we can better ourselves only a little at a time. If we get one part of our lives stable, its gonna take a minute to even realize we need to fix anotha part. We're slow witted like that.

Here's where that cocaine kicked in. Through tha media, and these surveys and people, that have no real track record of havin' or helped relationships. (Laced wit cocaine for flavor) These outlets have you believing that you need a man wit all of these qualities, to round out yo life. When, what you reeeeeallly need is SOMEONE who YOU can communicate wit, that you can help grow, ALONG wit you.

Bottom line, No man will have all those traits listed above, and still have tha mental stamina to understand you. He's gotta go lackin' in some sh!t, in order for him to have enough brain function left to take in, all your womanly goodness. You gotta accept that. Don't you fall into tha trap, of havin' multiple phuckas in yo life, for multiple functions. Face it, that makes you us wit better hair.

Stay ahead of tha curve, be sensible. NOW for tha whole "Black Women Lookin' for a good Black man" argument.

Just stop. Bottom line, just stop. Like my grandmama said (keep in mind,this is 64 years of marriage talkin') "Love tha devil you're wit."

I'm not sayin' all black men are devils.(Phuck tha hate mail) What i'm sayin is, if you're wit someone or interested in someone, obviously they have somethin' that's holdin' your attention. Just use your natural essence as a woman, to decipher if this is tha one for you, Stop lettin' that list above dictate your happiness.


There's soooooo much more to say about this, but I have a headache and my legs are numb from sittin' on this porcelain throne o' mine.



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