This is definitely some free hand sh!t. I don't do trendy or popular sh!t too well. Reason bein', is that I don't understand what makes some of this crappola resonate wit tha masses so well. So well in fact, that people follow and live by tha practices of these Self made celebrities.
Way back when (As if I gave Moses those tablets.) People had to have at least a tablespoon of talent, to be considered noteworthy. From sports figures, singers, rappers, writers,actors, hell, even porno stars had to have a modicum of talent or Chutzpah.
Now,If you have a decent internet connection on your cell or PC, you too can be Someone to know. But in lies tha rub , you may not know sh!t.
It's cool and all that you've got X number of friends on all these Internets, but what are you doin' wit them?!? What makes you somebody that I would pay a cover charge to see yo monkey azz?!?
Do ya sing? do ya model, tell jokes, rap, discuss sh!t intelligently (By tha way, I'd brave tha Hawk in Chi-Town, for some above-average convo.) If you do ANY of tha mentioned, then fine. Do you boo boo.
But if your only claim to fame is this Internets sh!t, Go back to school. Pick a trade, Sell steaks out of a van, something other than me just knowin' you for this internets. To my writers, I understand this is tha playground for your expression. But hell, even you have to be careful of what to associate yourself wit.Use tha internets to cultivate your message, in case you gotta back up your message in person.
To build a brand, you have to have something to market. Whether it's good or ill-concieved, you should be able to show me somethin' that makes me say, "Oh..ok. I get it. That's why people at least want to know him/her." I just don't get how we as people, have made celebrities of out of bein' Coonabulous,Beanerriffic and trashier shades of white.
Look, I don't mind anybody wantin'their shot at being known. But...HOW do you want to be known?!? Do you want to be known as a thinker, someone who stands out for their ideas and talent? OR..someone who's claim to fame is that their "Pants are on tha ground"?!?
(I reeeally believe that guy is "Chicken George", and he was frozen in time. He was thawed out two weeks before American Idol taped. Tha only reference he had to learn culture from was B.E.T.)
mayhemchild007@yahoo.com www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3
www.twitter.com/mayhemm09
Monday, February 1, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
This just in: This is why i'm not havin' kids.
To errybody that thought I only look for tha worst photos of women to post, well...tha..Fellas aint no better. Keep in mind..THIS IS A GUY. (No Homo or Fishsticks..Nullus) See ...This is why birth control should be given out in those "Special" classes.
ONE LOVE to MEDIATAKEOUT.COM for tha Coonabulous photo.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Ladies...Really?
DISCLAIMER: I say what i'm about to say, wit respect, love and a overwhelming sense of protecting you ladies. From others, but most of all, yourself.
Ladies, does'nt matter what color, size, Sexual orientation or mental illness, this is for you.
Maybe it's a slow news day at some publications, TV networks or Black radio , but tha subject i've been runnin' into is, Why can't women find any good men?
Now, most media have focused on tha "Why can't BLACK women, find any good BLACK men" angle. (Thumbtack that. We'll come back to that.) But as it turns out, Women of every race, creed and color are havin' tha same problem.
Which brings me to my opinions and subsequently my sex life, comin' to a damn abrupt ending. *Checks for Jergens lotion, and old sock* herrre, we go.
Ladies, I understand you want someone who, by your description, who's (In no particular order.) intelligent, witty, handsome, financially stable, a listener, no kids, little emotional baggage, cook, knows his way around tha bed, A fixer around tha house, marriage material and some other sh!t that only Phuckas in vampire movies can do.
Ladies, look at that damn list. You find me ONE true contender for ALL tha elements of that list, and i'll show you tha woman that masturbates thinkin' bout' Flavor Flav. Simply put.... a man like that DOES NOT EXIST.
It's understood ladies, that with all that you've individually been through, you will not settle for less. But look, where it's gotten you. Instead of bein' tha independent beings I know, you're startin' to become...us, wit better hair.
Women have always been tha more mature, intelligent, and more rational of tha sexes. Yeah sure, you have your moments, but through tha many and various things thrusted upon you, you still have time to carve out a living for yourself, re-populate tha planet, be mothers to children, maintain that radiant, stunning, addictive, ravishing yet puzzling mystery of a body. And you still keep your wits about your surroundings.
For all that I mentioned, I sincerely applaud you. You are so appreciated.
Now, let me tell you why you may have inadvertently did rock cocaine during one of your "just us girls" moments while watchin' Lifetime.
Ladies, wit all that we as men have shown you about us, (Trust me, we're not that hard to figure out. ) We've shown you that, we don't always see, what's riiight in front of us. We've shown you that, our attention spans are tha equivalent of a fifth grade class on a sugar rush. We as men can start wars, bully countries, gather and take resources to harvest for power. But we can't remember your birthday, call to tell you we're gonna be late, or just plainly put...communicate wit you.
You've witnessed all of these traits first hand ladies, wit very few men gettin' better in tha communication aspect of it. Not to mention, we can better ourselves only a little at a time. If we get one part of our lives stable, its gonna take a minute to even realize we need to fix anotha part. We're slow witted like that.
Here's where that cocaine kicked in. Through tha media, and these surveys and people, that have no real track record of havin' or helped relationships. (Laced wit cocaine for flavor) These outlets have you believing that you need a man wit all of these qualities, to round out yo life. When, what you reeeeeallly need is SOMEONE who YOU can communicate wit, that you can help grow, ALONG wit you.
Bottom line, No man will have all those traits listed above, and still have tha mental stamina to understand you. He's gotta go lackin' in some sh!t, in order for him to have enough brain function left to take in, all your womanly goodness. You gotta accept that. Don't you fall into tha trap, of havin' multiple phuckas in yo life, for multiple functions. Face it, that makes you us wit better hair.
Stay ahead of tha curve, be sensible. NOW for tha whole "Black Women Lookin' for a good Black man" argument.
Just stop. Bottom line, just stop. Like my grandmama said (keep in mind,this is 64 years of marriage talkin') "Love tha devil you're wit."
I'm not sayin' all black men are devils.(Phuck tha hate mail) What i'm sayin is, if you're wit someone or interested in someone, obviously they have somethin' that's holdin' your attention. Just use your natural essence as a woman, to decipher if this is tha one for you, Stop lettin' that list above dictate your happiness.
There's soooooo much more to say about this, but I have a headache and my legs are numb from sittin' on this porcelain throne o' mine.
mayhemchild007@yahoo.com www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3
www.twitter.com/mayhemm09
Ladies, does'nt matter what color, size, Sexual orientation or mental illness, this is for you.
Maybe it's a slow news day at some publications, TV networks or Black radio , but tha subject i've been runnin' into is, Why can't women find any good men?
Now, most media have focused on tha "Why can't BLACK women, find any good BLACK men" angle. (Thumbtack that. We'll come back to that.) But as it turns out, Women of every race, creed and color are havin' tha same problem.
Which brings me to my opinions and subsequently my sex life, comin' to a damn abrupt ending. *Checks for Jergens lotion, and old sock* herrre, we go.
Ladies, I understand you want someone who, by your description, who's (In no particular order.) intelligent, witty, handsome, financially stable, a listener, no kids, little emotional baggage, cook, knows his way around tha bed, A fixer around tha house, marriage material and some other sh!t that only Phuckas in vampire movies can do.
Ladies, look at that damn list. You find me ONE true contender for ALL tha elements of that list, and i'll show you tha woman that masturbates thinkin' bout' Flavor Flav. Simply put.... a man like that DOES NOT EXIST.
It's understood ladies, that with all that you've individually been through, you will not settle for less. But look, where it's gotten you. Instead of bein' tha independent beings I know, you're startin' to become...us, wit better hair.
Women have always been tha more mature, intelligent, and more rational of tha sexes. Yeah sure, you have your moments, but through tha many and various things thrusted upon you, you still have time to carve out a living for yourself, re-populate tha planet, be mothers to children, maintain that radiant, stunning, addictive, ravishing yet puzzling mystery of a body. And you still keep your wits about your surroundings.
For all that I mentioned, I sincerely applaud you. You are so appreciated.
Now, let me tell you why you may have inadvertently did rock cocaine during one of your "just us girls" moments while watchin' Lifetime.
Ladies, wit all that we as men have shown you about us, (Trust me, we're not that hard to figure out. ) We've shown you that, we don't always see, what's riiight in front of us. We've shown you that, our attention spans are tha equivalent of a fifth grade class on a sugar rush. We as men can start wars, bully countries, gather and take resources to harvest for power. But we can't remember your birthday, call to tell you we're gonna be late, or just plainly put...communicate wit you.
You've witnessed all of these traits first hand ladies, wit very few men gettin' better in tha communication aspect of it. Not to mention, we can better ourselves only a little at a time. If we get one part of our lives stable, its gonna take a minute to even realize we need to fix anotha part. We're slow witted like that.
Here's where that cocaine kicked in. Through tha media, and these surveys and people, that have no real track record of havin' or helped relationships. (Laced wit cocaine for flavor) These outlets have you believing that you need a man wit all of these qualities, to round out yo life. When, what you reeeeeallly need is SOMEONE who YOU can communicate wit, that you can help grow, ALONG wit you.
Bottom line, No man will have all those traits listed above, and still have tha mental stamina to understand you. He's gotta go lackin' in some sh!t, in order for him to have enough brain function left to take in, all your womanly goodness. You gotta accept that. Don't you fall into tha trap, of havin' multiple phuckas in yo life, for multiple functions. Face it, that makes you us wit better hair.
Stay ahead of tha curve, be sensible. NOW for tha whole "Black Women Lookin' for a good Black man" argument.
Just stop. Bottom line, just stop. Like my grandmama said (keep in mind,this is 64 years of marriage talkin') "Love tha devil you're wit."
I'm not sayin' all black men are devils.(Phuck tha hate mail) What i'm sayin is, if you're wit someone or interested in someone, obviously they have somethin' that's holdin' your attention. Just use your natural essence as a woman, to decipher if this is tha one for you, Stop lettin' that list above dictate your happiness.
There's soooooo much more to say about this, but I have a headache and my legs are numb from sittin' on this porcelain throne o' mine.
mayhemchild007@yahoo.com www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3
www.twitter.com/mayhemm09
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
My Tourettes be ackin' up.
Sooo...I have her ankles, one in each hand, in tha air. And I get this queasy feelin'. It's gonna be one of two things. Either 1. Maybe that Strawberry scent down there , is a bit tooo intoxicating. or 2. I have a strange desire to reeeeallly just blurt some sh!t out.
Well...After I cleaned off "Mr Sandman", it occurred to me,*feels Dizzy* it's both. This is what happens (Sh!tPissPhuck) When I ( VulvaBallLicker) Don't take my (AzzFaceSipper) Meds. I (B!tchBetterHaveMyMoney) have Tourettes.
Wit that (CumStainVacumer) bein' said, I'll try my best to keep tha outbursts to tha followin'
- Why is it that we give credence to those negative people around us, (B!tchAssnessHaterSmallPenisesLooseVaginas) And we really never acknowledge those that genuinely love and care for us? (YoureThaFirstMyLastMyErryThing)
That's probably why your mind and life,are where they are now.(LowSelfEsteemNoSenseOfSelfDontknowYoSurroundings) It's not tha negative people around you doin' sh!t to you, it's you.(GetUpGetOutAndGetYourAzzSomeIntegrityCorky)
- Before you ride on that high horse (ArrogantAzzNoTalentAzzHack) and criticize others (PeopleThatLiveAndBreatheWhatTheyDo) about life, talent, or in general.(YouPickPeopleApartBecauseYouHaveNoGodGivenSenseOfPurpose) Take a good,long look in tha mirror (ElephantMan/Woman) before you render judgement on anybody else's life.
Look...no one gets out of bed one day, lookin' to fail. It takes a certain strength, courage and passion, to get out here,and put yourself out here, for tha world to see. whether its a Ditchdigger, Hoe or Governor. Actor, musician, or .. uh..hell this cyber litter box I write, before you condemn it, soak it in, then say sumthin'. (OrYourWhinyAbsentOfHavingASoulBearingAzzCanTryToMusterUpEnoughBrainMatterToTryAndBeCreativeYourDamnSelfMakesYouThinkDontItTryingToKeepThisUpOnARegularBasisButSomeOfUsDo)
Note: Never Listen to Twista and be off your meds, not a good look.
As my meds kicked in, and I just read what I typed, I realized that I took a little of column A from one post, and a lil' from column B in anotha post and made.. a remix.
I, in a way repeated myself. Maybe this is God's way of sayin', it needed to be repeated this way. He's funny like that. ORRRRR... Maybe God's sayin' I gotta stop takin' NyQil,Wellbutrin and Tegretol as a smoothie.
*Puts on Ipod, Clicks on "Sniper Elite" by J.Dilla feat. DOOM. Turns Volume wayyyy tha Phuck up*
mayhemchild007@yahoo.com www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3 Follow me.(Nullus) www.twitter.com/mayhemm09
Well...After I cleaned off "Mr Sandman", it occurred to me,*feels Dizzy* it's both. This is what happens (Sh!tPissPhuck) When I ( VulvaBallLicker) Don't take my (AzzFaceSipper) Meds. I (B!tchBetterHaveMyMoney) have Tourettes.
Wit that (CumStainVacumer) bein' said, I'll try my best to keep tha outbursts to tha followin'
- Why is it that we give credence to those negative people around us, (B!tchAssnessHaterSmallPenisesLooseVaginas) And we really never acknowledge those that genuinely love and care for us? (YoureThaFirstMyLastMyErryThing)
That's probably why your mind and life,are where they are now.(LowSelfEsteemNoSenseOfSelfDontknowYoSurroundings) It's not tha negative people around you doin' sh!t to you, it's you.(GetUpGetOutAndGetYourAzzSomeIntegrityCorky)
- Before you ride on that high horse (ArrogantAzzNoTalentAzzHack) and criticize others (PeopleThatLiveAndBreatheWhatTheyDo) about life, talent, or in general.(YouPickPeopleApartBecauseYouHaveNoGodGivenSenseOfPurpose) Take a good,long look in tha mirror (ElephantMan/Woman) before you render judgement on anybody else's life.
Look...no one gets out of bed one day, lookin' to fail. It takes a certain strength, courage and passion, to get out here,and put yourself out here, for tha world to see. whether its a Ditchdigger, Hoe or Governor. Actor, musician, or .. uh..hell this cyber litter box I write, before you condemn it, soak it in, then say sumthin'. (OrYourWhinyAbsentOfHavingASoulBearingAzzCanTryToMusterUpEnoughBrainMatterToTryAndBeCreativeYourDamnSelfMakesYouThinkDontItTryingToKeepThisUpOnARegularBasisButSomeOfUsDo)
Note: Never Listen to Twista and be off your meds, not a good look.
As my meds kicked in, and I just read what I typed, I realized that I took a little of column A from one post, and a lil' from column B in anotha post and made.. a remix.
I, in a way repeated myself. Maybe this is God's way of sayin', it needed to be repeated this way. He's funny like that. ORRRRR... Maybe God's sayin' I gotta stop takin' NyQil,Wellbutrin and Tegretol as a smoothie.
*Puts on Ipod, Clicks on "Sniper Elite" by J.Dilla feat. DOOM. Turns Volume wayyyy tha Phuck up*
mayhemchild007@yahoo.com www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3 Follow me.(Nullus) www.twitter.com/mayhemm09
Monday, January 11, 2010
Track 31. My Pulpit. My Sermon.
What better way to start off tha new year than to go to church. In this case, this is my sanctuary.I feel that I would'nt be me, if I did'nt tell some of ya'll, about cha selves.Church has always provided a honest, uplifting and euphoric atmosphere,to be yo-self. Well for this nugget of a post i'm providing that type of environment for all involved.Sit up straight,and take away from this what cha can.
- Is it necessary to throw shadow on someone else's happiness, even though it has nothin' to do wit you?!? For some, it's sooo easy to criticize and BackSeat drive errrybody's else's thought process.
If it does'nt impact you, why follow it so closely and talk about it so harshly? No one EVER gets up in tha morning, expecting that sometime that day, they will fail at a task. Some people need to feel validated. Look...I may talk about some folks, but I usually go after tha phuckas that have a tad more ego than they should. Men and women are never phyically ugly to me, it's their attitudes that make them that way.
Tha world is a beautiful, remarkable, battered and bruised place. Try to give a hand up, instead a foot down.(Seee..this positive sh!t is gettin' me to be a "Jerry's Kid")
- This is for those who, under all circumstances, are steadily striving to achieve, and be themselves.
I admire anyone who continues to walk their chosen path, and do it wit conviction. Whether it's school, a personal hardship or achieving success in a profession, ( Like this Bein' a writer sh!t.)Walk that path, wit you head held high. You will master that path. You will take each aspect of your life higher, forward and further.
(I can't stay on this "ABC Family Channel" path for too long.)
There ya have it. Ya realize, i'll be back to my usual unpredictable Shenanigans soon. Just wanted you to see that "Sinners have soul too..."
Ecclesiastes 9:11
I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.
- Is it necessary to throw shadow on someone else's happiness, even though it has nothin' to do wit you?!? For some, it's sooo easy to criticize and BackSeat drive errrybody's else's thought process.
If it does'nt impact you, why follow it so closely and talk about it so harshly? No one EVER gets up in tha morning, expecting that sometime that day, they will fail at a task. Some people need to feel validated. Look...I may talk about some folks, but I usually go after tha phuckas that have a tad more ego than they should. Men and women are never phyically ugly to me, it's their attitudes that make them that way.
Tha world is a beautiful, remarkable, battered and bruised place. Try to give a hand up, instead a foot down.(Seee..this positive sh!t is gettin' me to be a "Jerry's Kid")
- This is for those who, under all circumstances, are steadily striving to achieve, and be themselves.
I admire anyone who continues to walk their chosen path, and do it wit conviction. Whether it's school, a personal hardship or achieving success in a profession, ( Like this Bein' a writer sh!t.)Walk that path, wit you head held high. You will master that path. You will take each aspect of your life higher, forward and further.
(I can't stay on this "ABC Family Channel" path for too long.)
There ya have it. Ya realize, i'll be back to my usual unpredictable Shenanigans soon. Just wanted you to see that "Sinners have soul too..."
Ecclesiastes 9:11
I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.
Some of you needed that. (Don't ask how I know.)
mayhemchild007@yahoo.com www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3 follow me on tha twitter. www.twitter.com/mayhemm09
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Fellas, Lemme me hook ya up...
Sooo..I'm eatin' cake off this beautiful woman's azz ,right (#DontJudgeMe. 1. She's clean AND a christian/Sunday school teacher. 2. It was Angel Food Cake, so it evens everything out.) and my Blackburry alert goes off to remind me that , "Damn, i's gotta B writin' some snappy wordin soon" NOTE: I never really focus on my "Coon" audience, so that was my attempt.
I'm thinkin' that, A. My Cake has an extra creaminess to it. B. Guys over 36 who are, "Late Bloomers" when it comes to dating, are tha most awkward SonsABitches i've ever seen.
When I hear some of tha pick- up lines, it's damn close to listenin' to a speech therapy class. Tha stutterin', tha stammerin', and that's just them sayin their own phuckin' name. #RainManSoundingBastards
Well..I'm here to help. (Awww Sh!t.) I'm gonna give ya some sure fire conversation pieces, that are guaranteed to either be unique and work (FatPhuckinChance) or land ya wit tha same results ya got now.(NotAMuhPhuckinThing.) Sooo.. Let's play.
Now...Any guy (Accept tha guy that has to read my sh!t, wit a Magnifiying Glass. On top of using glasses.) can use that standard "Excuse me miss" or "Hey Guh (For my Mississippi readers.) i'll drink yo bath water." But that's not grabbin' tha attention, right at tha outset. Try these:
- "Mann....Can I eat syrup sammiches off yo thighs?!?"
- " I like Cake. I like your azz. Can I eat cake off your azz?" (If it works, Use red velvet.)
- "You go to that churrrch over dere, because you got a Holy Booty" (If you use this, you deserve to have yo face ripped off....Jackazz.)
- "My apartment smells of rich Mahogany." (Thanks to tha movie "AnchorMan")
- "Mannn..That dress will look niiice, Balled up next to my bed" (You would have to be RainMan to try that one, and still walk away wit yo nuts.)
- " You aint a cop are you?!?" (Look..Some of ya'll can't stay away, from that "Pay to play.")
- "Damn...Ya mama got a azz like that too?" (If this one works,Chances are you're tryin' to bang tha "Sllloooow" girl, that works at Burger King.)
- Hi, my name is (Insert Name here.) I would be honored if, I could enjoy your company.
I truly recommend tha last one, for more positive results. In a nutshell fellas, Ya can't keep steppin' to Queens,wit all that sorry azz, immature, "Wanna be Ray J" bullshit i've heard ya do. Try tha truth. Try bein' sincere. Try a breathmint.
HINT: Fellas...Women are soooooo Turned on by a man who has.....Wait for it....wait for it.....some Intelligence, Some confidence. Oh yeah..Respect for them,right from tha start.
Fellas, that's tha hook-up. Good luck to all. And for some of you who ACTUALLY may use those lines listed above, Maybe Masterbating is more for you.
ONE LOVE.
Come on Cleatus...Say it. mayhemchild007@yahoo.com www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3
Follow me. (No Homo.) www.twitter.com/mayhemm09
I'm thinkin' that, A. My Cake has an extra creaminess to it. B. Guys over 36 who are, "Late Bloomers" when it comes to dating, are tha most awkward SonsABitches i've ever seen.
When I hear some of tha pick- up lines, it's damn close to listenin' to a speech therapy class. Tha stutterin', tha stammerin', and that's just them sayin their own phuckin' name. #RainManSoundingBastards
Well..I'm here to help. (Awww Sh!t.) I'm gonna give ya some sure fire conversation pieces, that are guaranteed to either be unique and work (FatPhuckinChance) or land ya wit tha same results ya got now.(NotAMuhPhuckinThing.) Sooo.. Let's play.
Now...Any guy (Accept tha guy that has to read my sh!t, wit a Magnifiying Glass. On top of using glasses.) can use that standard "Excuse me miss" or "Hey Guh (For my Mississippi readers.) i'll drink yo bath water." But that's not grabbin' tha attention, right at tha outset. Try these:
- "Mann....Can I eat syrup sammiches off yo thighs?!?"
- " I like Cake. I like your azz. Can I eat cake off your azz?" (If it works, Use red velvet.)
- "You go to that churrrch over dere, because you got a Holy Booty" (If you use this, you deserve to have yo face ripped off....Jackazz.)
- "My apartment smells of rich Mahogany." (Thanks to tha movie "AnchorMan")
- "Mannn..That dress will look niiice, Balled up next to my bed" (You would have to be RainMan to try that one, and still walk away wit yo nuts.)
- " You aint a cop are you?!?" (Look..Some of ya'll can't stay away, from that "Pay to play.")
- "Damn...Ya mama got a azz like that too?" (If this one works,Chances are you're tryin' to bang tha "Sllloooow" girl, that works at Burger King.)
- Hi, my name is (Insert Name here.) I would be honored if, I could enjoy your company.
I truly recommend tha last one, for more positive results. In a nutshell fellas, Ya can't keep steppin' to Queens,wit all that sorry azz, immature, "Wanna be Ray J" bullshit i've heard ya do. Try tha truth. Try bein' sincere. Try a breathmint.
HINT: Fellas...Women are soooooo Turned on by a man who has.....Wait for it....wait for it.....some Intelligence, Some confidence. Oh yeah..Respect for them,right from tha start.
Fellas, that's tha hook-up. Good luck to all. And for some of you who ACTUALLY may use those lines listed above, Maybe Masterbating is more for you.
ONE LOVE.
Come on Cleatus...Say it. mayhemchild007@yahoo.com www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3
Follow me. (No Homo.) www.twitter.com/mayhemm09
Monday, January 4, 2010
Matt's Public Service Announcement.
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