Black History Month. Really? celebrate what?

I don't believe that, we should celebrate Black History Month. Now...As you start to construct that nasty azz, acid-filled, hate e-mail to send me, read this in its entirety. (And if you do write me, I have two words...Spell check.)

In my opinion, ( Zero in on tha word, OPINION.) We don't appreciate our history unless its convenient. We take notice to our history, only when it may benefit us. I got a better chance at quality programming on B.E.T. (I know I'm Stretchin' it.) than anyone givin' a damn at this day and age, about where we have come from.

Back when we were Lil' Negrolets, Every February rolled around wit a new sense of pride. These were OUR PEOPLE they were talkin' about. You could'nt listen to tha radio, turn on tha T.V. or even look at tha bulletin board of your class room, without seein' something enlightening and uplifting bout our past. Hell.. Even Phuckin' SOUL TRAIN had a Black History Scramble board!

It seems that tha older we get, we don't take time out to reflect on our history. It's February and tha most negroist thing on T.V. has been MTVJams and tha Super Bowl?!? Back in tha day, we only had X amount of channels, but I still saw Roots, all tha Miniseries on Harriet Tubman, Dorothy Dandridge, Fredrick Douglass and tha like. Now...I can't even get a simple Martin Luther King Documentary. *EFFFIN SIGH*

FACT: With all current technology,(Facebook,Twitter,e-mail etc...) I've gotten "Scattered Azz" pics "If you love Jesus" e-mails, and "#ReTweetThisIf" Tweets, "Write a review for my "it sucks Rhino Penis" Mixtape".....but not one nugget of black history fact.


We wonder why tha paths of tha future, are soooo riddled wit violence, depression and uncertainty. We don't even have tha interest to see where we came from, to see how we ended up here, to respect those who came before us.

Soooo.... Until we appreciate our past, we as black folks don't deserve a phuckin' month. Just continue on our Coonabulous path. As my past has always told me, "If you don't know no better, you don't do no better" (Thank you Grandma.)


P. Damn S.... Cancel June as Black Music Month. We haven't made BLACK music since tha 90's





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Feb 14th. For tha Half-Azzed lover in U.

So, this is tha day you celebrate, all that's right wit luuuuv huh?!? Wellll.. it's time for me to poop on that theory, reeeal quick like. Ya see...I'm in love, wit love. (*In Sexy lisp*.. That one was fo tha laaadies...) I don't need a day, in which tha color Red and chocolates have become tha symbols of how much you luuuuv me.

Ya see..I'm not tha "Chardonay sippin', Sade song playin', Watchin tha movie "Brown Sugar" for tha 200th time, and knowin' eeeach phuckin' line sayin', Cryin' when I read Mary J. Blige song lyrics"... hopeless romantic guy.

I'm actually tha "Corona sippin', Maxwell's "Urban Hang Suite"/"Black Summer's Night" on repeat havin', downloaded Sade's "Soldier of Love" not only for tha lyrics, but its one of tha hardest Phuckin' beats in tha 2000's playin', Any Spike Lee movie, that deals wit relationships watchin', Need a woman wit enough issues, that they make volumes desiring" Guy. You know..realistic. #BornCynic.

So when it comes down to this one day, to let someone in on tha fact, they're loved, that to me seems rather...Half-Azzed. If you haven't let them in on your world this damn long, what's one more day gonna do.

I figure like this, If love flows through you guys like that, then Feb 14th, is really just another day. You ALWAYS can take time out your so-called busy life, to appreciate those that have made your heart sing.

For you to hold this Valentines day gig in that much of a high regard, should reeeally make ya think about, what you have as a union.

February 14th, is fine to start a new love. What better day to connect wit a possible soulmate, than over Cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster. For more established loves, that day should'nt be any more different than Monday thru Friday.

You celebrate love every day. Wit a phone call professing that love. You celebrate it everyday wit communication, enhancing that love. You celebrate love everyday wit jus doin' tha lil things to strengthen it. If you're followin' that formula, then that one day in February, is just really another day in love.

Those of you fortunate to have found that love, nurture it. So you don't depend on one day, to breathe life into it. Don't depend on trinkets and grand gestures to heighten it. What you will have will be organic and will strengthen wit time.

Now... if you will excuse me, I have some love to nurture.

TRANSLATION: I have a woman I visit (BreakIntoHerHomeWhenShesNotThere) and bask in her atmosphere.(GoInHerPantyDrawerAndStartSniffingAndWearing) Giggity Giggity.



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Track 32. How do I know you?

This is definitely some free hand sh!t. I don't do trendy or popular sh!t too well. Reason bein', is that I don't understand what makes some of this crappola resonate wit tha masses so well. So well in fact, that people follow and live by tha practices of these Self made celebrities.

Way back when (As if I gave Moses those tablets.) People had to have at least a tablespoon of talent, to be considered noteworthy. From sports figures, singers, rappers, writers,actors, hell, even porno stars had to have a modicum of talent or Chutzpah.

Now,If you have a decent internet connection on your cell or PC, you too can be Someone to know. But in lies tha rub , you may not know sh!t.


It's cool and all that you've got X number of friends on all these Internets, but what are you doin' wit them?!? What makes you somebody that I would pay a cover charge to see yo monkey azz?!?


Do ya sing? do ya model, tell jokes, rap, discuss sh!t intelligently (By tha way, I'd brave tha Hawk in Chi-Town, for some above-average convo.) If you do ANY of tha mentioned, then fine. Do you boo boo.


But if your only claim to fame is this Internets sh!t, Go back to school. Pick a trade, Sell steaks out of a van, something other than me just knowin' you for this internets. To my writers, I understand this is tha playground for your expression. But hell, even you have to be careful of what to associate yourself wit.Use tha internets to cultivate your message, in case you gotta back up your message in person.



To build a brand, you have to have something to market. Whether it's good or ill-concieved, you should be able to show me somethin' that makes me say, "Oh..ok. I get it. That's why people at least want to know him/her." I just don't get how we as people, have made celebrities of out of bein' Coonabulous,Beanerriffic and trashier shades of white.

Look, I don't mind anybody wantin'their shot at being known. But...HOW do you want to be known?!? Do you want to be known as a thinker, someone who stands out for their ideas and talent? OR..someone who's claim to fame is that their "Pants are on tha ground"?!?

(I reeeally believe that guy is "Chicken George", and he was frozen in time. He was thawed out two weeks before American Idol taped. Tha only reference he had to learn culture from was B.E.T.)


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This just in: This is why i'm not havin' kids.

To errybody that thought I only look for tha worst photos of women to post, well...tha..Fellas aint no better. Keep in mind..THIS IS A GUY. (No Homo or Fishsticks..Nullus) See ...This is why birth control should be given out in those "Special" classes.

ONE LOVE to MEDIATAKEOUT.COM for tha Coonabulous photo.

Ladies...Really?

DISCLAIMER: I say what i'm about to say, wit respect, love and a overwhelming sense of protecting you ladies. From others, but most of all, yourself.

Ladies, does'nt matter what color, size, Sexual orientation or mental illness, this is for you.

Maybe it's a slow news day at some publications, TV networks or Black radio , but tha subject i've been runnin' into is, Why can't women find any good men?

Now, most media have focused on tha "Why can't BLACK women, find any good BLACK men" angle. (Thumbtack that. We'll come back to that.) But as it turns out, Women of every race, creed and color are havin' tha same problem.

Which brings me to my opinions and subsequently my sex life, comin' to a damn abrupt ending. *Checks for Jergens lotion, and old sock* herrre, we go.

Ladies, I understand you want someone who, by your description, who's (In no particular order.) intelligent, witty, handsome, financially stable, a listener, no kids, little emotional baggage, cook, knows his way around tha bed, A fixer around tha house, marriage material and some other sh!t that only Phuckas in vampire movies can do.

Ladies, look at that damn list. You find me ONE true contender for ALL tha elements of that list, and i'll show you tha woman that masturbates thinkin' bout' Flavor Flav. Simply put.... a man like that DOES NOT EXIST.


It's understood ladies, that with all that you've individually been through, you will not settle for less. But look, where it's gotten you. Instead of bein' tha independent beings I know, you're startin' to become...us, wit better hair.

Women have always been tha more mature, intelligent, and more rational of tha sexes. Yeah sure, you have your moments, but through tha many and various things thrusted upon you, you still have time to carve out a living for yourself, re-populate tha planet, be mothers to children, maintain that radiant, stunning, addictive, ravishing yet puzzling mystery of a body. And you still keep your wits about your surroundings.

For all that I mentioned, I sincerely applaud you. You are so appreciated.

Now, let me tell you why you may have inadvertently did rock cocaine during one of your "just us girls" moments while watchin' Lifetime.

Ladies, wit all that we as men have shown you about us, (Trust me, we're not that hard to figure out. ) We've shown you that, we don't always see, what's riiight in front of us. We've shown you that, our attention spans are tha equivalent of a fifth grade class on a sugar rush. We as men can start wars, bully countries, gather and take resources to harvest for power. But we can't remember your birthday, call to tell you we're gonna be late, or just plainly put...communicate wit you.

You've witnessed all of these traits first hand ladies, wit very few men gettin' better in tha communication aspect of it. Not to mention, we can better ourselves only a little at a time. If we get one part of our lives stable, its gonna take a minute to even realize we need to fix anotha part. We're slow witted like that.

Here's where that cocaine kicked in. Through tha media, and these surveys and people, that have no real track record of havin' or helped relationships. (Laced wit cocaine for flavor) These outlets have you believing that you need a man wit all of these qualities, to round out yo life. When, what you reeeeeallly need is SOMEONE who YOU can communicate wit, that you can help grow, ALONG wit you.

Bottom line, No man will have all those traits listed above, and still have tha mental stamina to understand you. He's gotta go lackin' in some sh!t, in order for him to have enough brain function left to take in, all your womanly goodness. You gotta accept that. Don't you fall into tha trap, of havin' multiple phuckas in yo life, for multiple functions. Face it, that makes you us wit better hair.

Stay ahead of tha curve, be sensible. NOW for tha whole "Black Women Lookin' for a good Black man" argument.

Just stop. Bottom line, just stop. Like my grandmama said (keep in mind,this is 64 years of marriage talkin') "Love tha devil you're wit."

I'm not sayin' all black men are devils.(Phuck tha hate mail) What i'm sayin is, if you're wit someone or interested in someone, obviously they have somethin' that's holdin' your attention. Just use your natural essence as a woman, to decipher if this is tha one for you, Stop lettin' that list above dictate your happiness.


There's soooooo much more to say about this, but I have a headache and my legs are numb from sittin' on this porcelain throne o' mine.



mayhemchild007@yahoo.com www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3





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My Tourettes be ackin' up.

Sooo...I have her ankles, one in each hand, in tha air. And I get this queasy feelin'. It's gonna be one of two things. Either 1. Maybe that Strawberry scent down there , is a bit tooo intoxicating. or 2. I have a strange desire to reeeeallly just blurt some sh!t out.

Well...After I cleaned off "Mr Sandman", it occurred to me,*feels Dizzy* it's both. This is what happens (Sh!tPissPhuck) When I ( VulvaBallLicker) Don't take my (AzzFaceSipper) Meds. I (B!tchBetterHaveMyMoney) have Tourettes.

Wit that (CumStainVacumer) bein' said, I'll try my best to keep tha outbursts to tha followin'

- Why is it that we give credence to those negative people around us, (B!tchAssnessHaterSmallPenisesLooseVaginas) And we really never acknowledge those that genuinely love and care for us? (YoureThaFirstMyLastMyErryThing)

That's probably why your mind and life,are where they are now.(LowSelfEsteemNoSenseOfSelfDontknowYoSurroundings) It's not tha negative people around you doin' sh!t to you, it's you.(GetUpGetOutAndGetYourAzzSomeIntegrityCorky)

- Before you ride on that high horse (ArrogantAzzNoTalentAzzHack) and criticize others (PeopleThatLiveAndBreatheWhatTheyDo) about life, talent, or in general.(YouPickPeopleApartBecauseYouHaveNoGodGivenSenseOfPurpose) Take a good,long look in tha mirror (ElephantMan/Woman) before you render judgement on anybody else's life.

Look...no one gets out of bed one day, lookin' to fail. It takes a certain strength, courage and passion, to get out here,and put yourself out here, for tha world to see. whether its a Ditchdigger, Hoe or Governor. Actor, musician, or .. uh..hell this cyber litter box I write, before you condemn it, soak it in, then say sumthin'. (OrYourWhinyAbsentOfHavingASoulBearingAzzCanTryToMusterUpEnoughBrainMatterToTryAndBeCreativeYourDamnSelfMakesYouThinkDontItTryingToKeepThisUpOnARegularBasisButSomeOfUsDo)



Note: Never Listen to Twista and be off your meds, not a good look.

As my meds kicked in, and I just read what I typed, I realized that I took a little of column A from one post, and a lil' from column B in anotha post and made.. a remix.

I, in a way repeated myself. Maybe this is God's way of sayin', it needed to be repeated this way. He's funny like that. ORRRRR... Maybe God's sayin' I gotta stop takin' NyQil,Wellbutrin and Tegretol as a smoothie.

*Puts on Ipod, Clicks on "Sniper Elite" by J.Dilla feat. DOOM. Turns Volume wayyyy tha Phuck up*


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Track 31. My Pulpit. My Sermon.

What better way to start off tha new year than to go to church. In this case, this is my sanctuary.I feel that I would'nt be me, if I did'nt tell some of ya'll, about cha selves.Church has always provided a honest, uplifting and euphoric atmosphere,to be yo-self. Well for this nugget of a post i'm providing that type of environment for all involved.Sit up straight,and take away from this what cha can.


- Is it necessary to throw shadow on someone else's happiness, even though it has nothin' to do wit you?!? For some, it's sooo easy to criticize and BackSeat drive errrybody's else's thought process.


If it does'nt impact you, why follow it so closely and talk about it so harshly? No one EVER gets up in tha morning, expecting that sometime that day, they will fail at a task. Some people need to feel validated. Look...I may talk about some folks, but I usually go after tha phuckas that have a tad more ego than they should. Men and women are never phyically ugly to me, it's their attitudes that make them that way.


Tha world is a beautiful, remarkable, battered and bruised place. Try to give a hand up, instead a foot down.(Seee..this positive sh!t is gettin' me to be a "Jerry's Kid")


- This is for those who, under all circumstances, are steadily striving to achieve, and be themselves.



I admire anyone who continues to walk their chosen path, and do it wit conviction. Whether it's school, a personal hardship or achieving success in a profession, ( Like this Bein' a writer sh!t.)Walk that path, wit you head held high. You will master that path. You will take each aspect of your life higher, forward and further.

(I can't stay on this "ABC Family Channel" path for too long.)



There ya have it. Ya realize, i'll be back to my usual unpredictable Shenanigans soon. Just wanted you to see that "Sinners have soul too..."



Ecclesiastes 9:11
I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

Some of you needed that. (Don't ask how I know.)

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