Matt's PSA:Contains Extreme Talent and Hotness.

Matt: Yo Dre'... I gotta dive into some more of this Actin'/producing/globetrottin' sh!t. Take me to commercial.


Dre': Aiiight bet.






www.tamarajackson.yolasite.com






Please click on, and be impressed by tha Talent and Hotness, that is my co-star and homie.





Matt: Yo Dre'...I'll be back.

Dre: Hurry back dude. Ya know wit this blog sh!t, if ya go too long without a post, they tend to forget about ya.



Matt: Yeah. But ya gotta go live life, in order to write about it..right? In tha meantime, they can meet, some of tha people I meet.


Who are you?!? www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3 Follow me www.twitter.com/mayhemm09 Write me. mayhemchild007@yahoo.com

So..This is what happened...

(Takes red Ball Gag out of mouth.)Ahhh...After a week or so of self loathing and self medicating, (We all have issues) I finally came up wit tha Testicular Fortitude to write about my latest...uh..adventures/bullsh!t missions.
March 13th and 14th (Always tha weekend, my exploits start.) was entertaining as hiznell as I got to watch a play, as well as perform in one.(Yeah kids, I'm an actor. Imagine them sh!ts.)

Saturday:
Not only did I have to prep for my own production, but Saturday night was tha production of "Love Won't let go" starring my brother Thespian (For black folks who did'nt take speech class in High School, and white folks in that part of Alabama that's to tha left, I did'nt mean Lesbian. Look it up GED candidates.) Dcapreeyo.

Let me say that "Love won't let go" was a solid production. It was such a breath of fresh air, to see quality Black theatre. (I know i'm supposed to say African American, but I came from Chicago/ Harvey Il. So i'd be lyin' by claimin' Africa. So i'll just be Black...Movin' right along.) Tha message of Faith being tha cornerstone of relationships was central message throughout tha production. Tha cast was was truly in synch wit that message.

From tha flowing script/storyline, to tha musical numbers, I found it to be a truly enlightening and entertaining piece.

Now...let's go to my night of Theatrical Extacy (Makes ya wanna lick ya lips in that "Naughty School teacher" way huh?...But I Digress.)

Sunday:
Was my perfomance in tha play "Bone Salad" (Hold up before tha jokes start.) It's based on Genesis, chapter 2 verses 23-25. (I know. Matt is in a Inspirational play. Thank God, tha director does'nt do background checks.)

I can't critique my own stuff. All I can say is I "Learned my lines, and hit my mark" (True actor's sh!t there.)

Chances are this won't be tha last time, i'll be steppin' on tha stage. I've actually been doin' this for a while. So i'll be gettin' my "Sidney Portier" on for a minute. Go to www.chicagoplaywrightelizabeth.com to learn more about tha production. (Ya know I gotta stay neutral. I got to hold on to tha little confidence, I have left. That's why I'll let you guys, be tha judge.)

Well..that's my weekend. As you can probably tell, I'm still decompressin' from doin' tha actin' thing. Don't think i'm givin' up this writin'/Bloggin'/Therapy for my inner demons thang anytime soon. But like with anything creative, you can only do it, when tha spirit moves ya. I'll keep ya posted.

But don't you be a stranger either. Friend me: www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3

Follow me: www.twitter.com/mayhemm09 mail me

mayhemchild007@yahoo.com

I aint dead yet.

Hi ho neighbor! Just droppin' a line to say, I aint dead yet. I'm workin' on some ish that is pullin' me in some other stratosphere. (You woulda thought I was high by that statement.)


But in tha meantime, PLEASE, feel free to sniff around, some of tha older pieces of brain matter I got layin' around here. I will definitely keep ya posted on tha other sh!t brewin'.

PLEEEASE... keep in touch. Taste ya soon. (Mannish til I die)


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I gotta get out more...

* In Captain Jack Sparrow's voice * Ahoy B!tches!!!. In my attempt to enhance my social life...i.e. (Workin' on makin' my face a thousand lipstick flavors.) And also to let off some steam, I decided to hit tha streets. My Phuckery started on Friday and ended on Sunday. (I have tha Scratches on my azzcheek to prove it) Let's recap shall we?

DISCLAIMER: What you're about to read contains extreme language and nudity...Grow yo azz up and get over it.

FRIDAY: I hung out at my Favorite watering hole Revelations in Country Club Hills Il.(Natch) to hear Legendary DJ/Producer/Performer Farley JackMaster Funk.
Let me start my statements wit tha following. Tha music was EFFFFFIN extrordinary!!!

It was suuuch a rich and vibrant mix of house music, that made tha whole night seem like a religious experience. Yeah..i'm a tad biased, due to tha fact that,this is tha music I grew up on. But anyone who enjoys an original, eclectic,grooves, set to a organic atmosphere, would've have enjoyed this night.

Farley was a Pied piper/showman/ringmaster. Even tha DJ's and producers in attendance, were in awe of tha man, who opened tha doors for them in this "Crabs In a Barrel" BullSh!t, we know as tha music industry.

Now for some random Phuckery of tha night. IT WAS CROWDED AS HELL MANNN!!! First of all..I walked into a sea of LaceFronts. It looked like "The Island of Dr.Moreau" for Beauticians. One woman looked like her LaceFront was sewn in side-damn-ways!!! It looked like a LaceFront Baseball cap! This ish gets worse. Fellas...Does Sean John make Men's T-shirts in tha size "I can cover a Mini Cooper,wit this mug?!?.." NOTE: Lay off tha McRibs.

Every Bald,Big dude there looked like they tried out to be Suge Knight in a VH1 special. Ladies...If you wear Thigh-High boots wit heels, Don't lace them up sooo tight. It looks like you're cookin' Pot Roast below tha knee. ALL big dudes, please refrain from using Bluetooth sooo much. When ya have it in ya ear, it looks like it's lettin' me know, when your body's stopped cookin'. (Blinkin') Oh..did I mention it was effffin crowded?!?

I think I may have some DNA test to take. I rubbed against so many women, I think one,may have gotten pregnant. In tha same token, I think one woman gave me Prostate exam by tha kitchen #NotComplainingSheWasGentle. I think that was her ring, I found in my...Ya get tha picture of how crowded it was.

Mad Love to Maurice Joshua,Tha Divine Ms.Tracy J.,"Come Hither Eyes" Kim L. and "Tipsy,Light Skinted, look so good drinkin' brown liquor" woman (Tracy and Kim's friend.) Watch tha floor, i'm gonna name drop some more. ONE LOVE to Hula and Tha Clubhouse Group, SunDance, DJ Blendz and tha innovator of a Movement Farley Jackmaster Funk.



SATURDAY: It was me , Her and Her and a Bald headed Midget Proctologist, Nekkid at tha LaQuinta Inn. #That'sABlogForAnotherTime.

SUNDAY : I applied Bactine on my...and I took my antibiotics #Don'tJudgeMeI'veMadePeaceWithMyNastiness. Then I bounced out to University Park Il., to hear tha band, AG SOUL.

Be on tha look out for these cats. 1.They play REAL instruments. Which to me, is such a breath of fresh air, ya know. 2. They play them phuckas WELL!!! They had such rich vibe, that reminds you of earlier L.T.D. (Look it up) They did a cover of Stevie Wonder, that was off tha hook! After tha 2nd shot of Patron, They actually sounded like Mint Condition.

There's nothin' like great music, great musicians , Bougie Black folks, and top shelf liquor to end tha weekend on a high azz note.

I was A little long winded on this one. But you're probably readin' this in tha bathroom on WIFI, or while gettin' your Pap Smear, so it worked out. So,if Ya'll will excuse me, I gotta make a "Movement" to get this girl's ring back. *Goes in bathroom, Shuts door*



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Black History Month. Really? celebrate what?

I don't believe that, we should celebrate Black History Month. Now...As you start to construct that nasty azz, acid-filled, hate e-mail to send me, read this in its entirety. (And if you do write me, I have two words...Spell check.)

In my opinion, ( Zero in on tha word, OPINION.) We don't appreciate our history unless its convenient. We take notice to our history, only when it may benefit us. I got a better chance at quality programming on B.E.T. (I know I'm Stretchin' it.) than anyone givin' a damn at this day and age, about where we have come from.

Back when we were Lil' Negrolets, Every February rolled around wit a new sense of pride. These were OUR PEOPLE they were talkin' about. You could'nt listen to tha radio, turn on tha T.V. or even look at tha bulletin board of your class room, without seein' something enlightening and uplifting bout our past. Hell.. Even Phuckin' SOUL TRAIN had a Black History Scramble board!

It seems that tha older we get, we don't take time out to reflect on our history. It's February and tha most negroist thing on T.V. has been MTVJams and tha Super Bowl?!? Back in tha day, we only had X amount of channels, but I still saw Roots, all tha Miniseries on Harriet Tubman, Dorothy Dandridge, Fredrick Douglass and tha like. Now...I can't even get a simple Martin Luther King Documentary. *EFFFIN SIGH*

FACT: With all current technology,(Facebook,Twitter,e-mail etc...) I've gotten "Scattered Azz" pics "If you love Jesus" e-mails, and "#ReTweetThisIf" Tweets, "Write a review for my "it sucks Rhino Penis" Mixtape".....but not one nugget of black history fact.


We wonder why tha paths of tha future, are soooo riddled wit violence, depression and uncertainty. We don't even have tha interest to see where we came from, to see how we ended up here, to respect those who came before us.

Soooo.... Until we appreciate our past, we as black folks don't deserve a phuckin' month. Just continue on our Coonabulous path. As my past has always told me, "If you don't know no better, you don't do no better" (Thank you Grandma.)


P. Damn S.... Cancel June as Black Music Month. We haven't made BLACK music since tha 90's





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Feb 14th. For tha Half-Azzed lover in U.

So, this is tha day you celebrate, all that's right wit luuuuv huh?!? Wellll.. it's time for me to poop on that theory, reeeal quick like. Ya see...I'm in love, wit love. (*In Sexy lisp*.. That one was fo tha laaadies...) I don't need a day, in which tha color Red and chocolates have become tha symbols of how much you luuuuv me.

Ya see..I'm not tha "Chardonay sippin', Sade song playin', Watchin tha movie "Brown Sugar" for tha 200th time, and knowin' eeeach phuckin' line sayin', Cryin' when I read Mary J. Blige song lyrics"... hopeless romantic guy.

I'm actually tha "Corona sippin', Maxwell's "Urban Hang Suite"/"Black Summer's Night" on repeat havin', downloaded Sade's "Soldier of Love" not only for tha lyrics, but its one of tha hardest Phuckin' beats in tha 2000's playin', Any Spike Lee movie, that deals wit relationships watchin', Need a woman wit enough issues, that they make volumes desiring" Guy. You know..realistic. #BornCynic.

So when it comes down to this one day, to let someone in on tha fact, they're loved, that to me seems rather...Half-Azzed. If you haven't let them in on your world this damn long, what's one more day gonna do.

I figure like this, If love flows through you guys like that, then Feb 14th, is really just another day. You ALWAYS can take time out your so-called busy life, to appreciate those that have made your heart sing.

For you to hold this Valentines day gig in that much of a high regard, should reeeally make ya think about, what you have as a union.

February 14th, is fine to start a new love. What better day to connect wit a possible soulmate, than over Cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster. For more established loves, that day should'nt be any more different than Monday thru Friday.

You celebrate love every day. Wit a phone call professing that love. You celebrate it everyday wit communication, enhancing that love. You celebrate love everyday wit jus doin' tha lil things to strengthen it. If you're followin' that formula, then that one day in February, is just really another day in love.

Those of you fortunate to have found that love, nurture it. So you don't depend on one day, to breathe life into it. Don't depend on trinkets and grand gestures to heighten it. What you will have will be organic and will strengthen wit time.

Now... if you will excuse me, I have some love to nurture.

TRANSLATION: I have a woman I visit (BreakIntoHerHomeWhenShesNotThere) and bask in her atmosphere.(GoInHerPantyDrawerAndStartSniffingAndWearing) Giggity Giggity.



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Track 32. How do I know you?

This is definitely some free hand sh!t. I don't do trendy or popular sh!t too well. Reason bein', is that I don't understand what makes some of this crappola resonate wit tha masses so well. So well in fact, that people follow and live by tha practices of these Self made celebrities.

Way back when (As if I gave Moses those tablets.) People had to have at least a tablespoon of talent, to be considered noteworthy. From sports figures, singers, rappers, writers,actors, hell, even porno stars had to have a modicum of talent or Chutzpah.

Now,If you have a decent internet connection on your cell or PC, you too can be Someone to know. But in lies tha rub , you may not know sh!t.


It's cool and all that you've got X number of friends on all these Internets, but what are you doin' wit them?!? What makes you somebody that I would pay a cover charge to see yo monkey azz?!?


Do ya sing? do ya model, tell jokes, rap, discuss sh!t intelligently (By tha way, I'd brave tha Hawk in Chi-Town, for some above-average convo.) If you do ANY of tha mentioned, then fine. Do you boo boo.


But if your only claim to fame is this Internets sh!t, Go back to school. Pick a trade, Sell steaks out of a van, something other than me just knowin' you for this internets. To my writers, I understand this is tha playground for your expression. But hell, even you have to be careful of what to associate yourself wit.Use tha internets to cultivate your message, in case you gotta back up your message in person.



To build a brand, you have to have something to market. Whether it's good or ill-concieved, you should be able to show me somethin' that makes me say, "Oh..ok. I get it. That's why people at least want to know him/her." I just don't get how we as people, have made celebrities of out of bein' Coonabulous,Beanerriffic and trashier shades of white.

Look, I don't mind anybody wantin'their shot at being known. But...HOW do you want to be known?!? Do you want to be known as a thinker, someone who stands out for their ideas and talent? OR..someone who's claim to fame is that their "Pants are on tha ground"?!?

(I reeeally believe that guy is "Chicken George", and he was frozen in time. He was thawed out two weeks before American Idol taped. Tha only reference he had to learn culture from was B.E.T.)


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