Fellas, Lemme me hook ya up...

Sooo..I'm eatin' cake off this beautiful woman's azz ,right (#DontJudgeMe. 1. She's clean AND a christian/Sunday school teacher. 2. It was Angel Food Cake, so it evens everything out.) and my Blackburry alert goes off to remind me that , "Damn, i's gotta B writin' some snappy wordin soon" NOTE: I never really focus on my "Coon" audience, so that was my attempt.


I'm thinkin' that, A. My Cake has an extra creaminess to it. B. Guys over 36 who are, "Late Bloomers" when it comes to dating, are tha most awkward SonsABitches i've ever seen.


When I hear some of tha pick- up lines, it's damn close to listenin' to a speech therapy class. Tha stutterin', tha stammerin', and that's just them sayin their own phuckin' name. #RainManSoundingBastards


Well..I'm here to help. (Awww Sh!t.) I'm gonna give ya some sure fire conversation pieces, that are guaranteed to either be unique and work (FatPhuckinChance) or land ya wit tha same results ya got now.(NotAMuhPhuckinThing.) Sooo.. Let's play.

Now...Any guy (Accept tha guy that has to read my sh!t, wit a Magnifiying Glass. On top of using glasses.) can use that standard "Excuse me miss" or "Hey Guh (For my Mississippi readers.) i'll drink yo bath water." But that's not grabbin' tha attention, right at tha outset. Try these:


- "Mann....Can I eat syrup sammiches off yo thighs?!?"

- " I like Cake. I like your azz. Can I eat cake off your azz?" (If it works, Use red velvet.)

- "You go to that churrrch over dere, because you got a Holy Booty" (If you use this, you deserve to have yo face ripped off....Jackazz.)

- "My apartment smells of rich Mahogany." (Thanks to tha movie "AnchorMan")

- "Mannn..That dress will look niiice, Balled up next to my bed" (You would have to be RainMan to try that one, and still walk away wit yo nuts.)

- " You aint a cop are you?!?" (Look..Some of ya'll can't stay away, from that "Pay to play.")

- "Damn...Ya mama got a azz like that too?" (If this one works,Chances are you're tryin' to bang tha "Sllloooow" girl, that works at Burger King.)

- Hi, my name is (Insert Name here.) I would be honored if, I could enjoy your company.

I truly recommend tha last one, for more positive results. In a nutshell fellas, Ya can't keep steppin' to Queens,wit all that sorry azz, immature, "Wanna be Ray J" bullshit i've heard ya do. Try tha truth. Try bein' sincere. Try a breathmint.

HINT: Fellas...Women are soooooo Turned on by a man who has.....Wait for it....wait for it.....some Intelligence, Some confidence. Oh yeah..Respect for them,right from tha start.

Fellas, that's tha hook-up. Good luck to all. And for some of you who ACTUALLY may use those lines listed above, Maybe Masterbating is more for you.


ONE LOVE.


Come on Cleatus...Say it. mayhemchild007@yahoo.com www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3

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