* In Captain Jack Sparrow's voice * Ahoy B!tches!!!. In my attempt to enhance my social life...i.e. (Workin' on makin' my face a thousand lipstick flavors.) And also to let off some steam, I decided to hit tha streets. My Phuckery started on Friday and ended on Sunday. (I have tha Scratches on my azzcheek to prove it) Let's recap shall we?
DISCLAIMER: What you're about to read contains extreme language and nudity...Grow yo azz up and get over it.
FRIDAY: I hung out at my Favorite watering hole Revelations in Country Club Hills Il.(Natch) to hear Legendary DJ/Producer/Performer Farley JackMaster Funk.
Let me start my statements wit tha following. Tha music was EFFFFFIN extrordinary!!!
It was suuuch a rich and vibrant mix of house music, that made tha whole night seem like a religious experience. Yeah..i'm a tad biased, due to tha fact that,this is tha music I grew up on. But anyone who enjoys an original, eclectic,grooves, set to a organic atmosphere, would've have enjoyed this night.
Farley was a Pied piper/showman/ringmaster. Even tha DJ's and producers in attendance, were in awe of tha man, who opened tha doors for them in this "Crabs In a Barrel" BullSh!t, we know as tha music industry.
Now for some random Phuckery of tha night. IT WAS CROWDED AS HELL MANNN!!! First of all..I walked into a sea of LaceFronts. It looked like "The Island of Dr.Moreau" for Beauticians. One woman looked like her LaceFront was sewn in side-damn-ways!!! It looked like a LaceFront Baseball cap! This ish gets worse. Fellas...Does Sean John make Men's T-shirts in tha size "I can cover a Mini Cooper,wit this mug?!?.." NOTE: Lay off tha McRibs.
Every Bald,Big dude there looked like they tried out to be Suge Knight in a VH1 special. Ladies...If you wear Thigh-High boots wit heels, Don't lace them up sooo tight. It looks like you're cookin' Pot Roast below tha knee. ALL big dudes, please refrain from using Bluetooth sooo much. When ya have it in ya ear, it looks like it's lettin' me know, when your body's stopped cookin'. (Blinkin') Oh..did I mention it was effffin crowded?!?
I think I may have some DNA test to take. I rubbed against so many women, I think one,may have gotten pregnant. In tha same token, I think one woman gave me Prostate exam by tha kitchen #NotComplainingSheWasGentle. I think that was her ring, I found in my...Ya get tha picture of how crowded it was.
Mad Love to Maurice Joshua,Tha Divine Ms.Tracy J.,"Come Hither Eyes" Kim L. and "Tipsy,Light Skinted, look so good drinkin' brown liquor" woman (Tracy and Kim's friend.) Watch tha floor, i'm gonna name drop some more. ONE LOVE to Hula and Tha Clubhouse Group, SunDance, DJ Blendz and tha innovator of a Movement Farley Jackmaster Funk.
SATURDAY: It was me , Her and Her and a Bald headed Midget Proctologist, Nekkid at tha LaQuinta Inn. #That'sABlogForAnotherTime.
SUNDAY : I applied Bactine on my...and I took my antibiotics #Don'tJudgeMeI'veMadePeaceWithMyNastiness. Then I bounced out to University Park Il., to hear tha band, AG SOUL.
Be on tha look out for these cats. 1.They play REAL instruments. Which to me, is such a breath of fresh air, ya know. 2. They play them phuckas WELL!!! They had such rich vibe, that reminds you of earlier L.T.D. (Look it up) They did a cover of Stevie Wonder, that was off tha hook! After tha 2nd shot of Patron, They actually sounded like Mint Condition.
There's nothin' like great music, great musicians , Bougie Black folks, and top shelf liquor to end tha weekend on a high azz note.
I was A little long winded on this one. But you're probably readin' this in tha bathroom on WIFI, or while gettin' your Pap Smear, so it worked out. So,if Ya'll will excuse me, I gotta make a "Movement" to get this girl's ring back. *Goes in bathroom, Shuts door*
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